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Put a Quarter in the Christmas Vending Machine

by Robby Grant

supported by
Bruce Carter
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Bruce Carter I really cannot pick one favorite track. It changes every time I listen all way through. Irene Claus and What is Nog also highly recommended. A+ Favorite track: Santa and the Mellow Double Guitar Solo.
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Everyone seems busy around Christmastime Making lists, giving gifts and getting you But what’s the point if all you do is never see each other anyway? We should just lay around the whole month of December Get rid of this stuff that we always have to do just me and you we’ll lay around and talk to each other declaring this from here on out that Lazy Christmas is here to stay Everyone seems busy around Christmastime
Irene Claus 03:19
Don’t call me Mrs. Claus It’s only because it makes me sound real old My first name is Irene The elves think I’m real mean What they don’t know is how much I help santa go CHORUS Everyone thinks that Santa’s the boss But he’s not, it me, Irene Claus VERSE 2 Everyone always talks about him They need to write more songs about me I run everything around here / from new years to the christmas year CHORUS BRIDGE Don’t get me wrong Santa’s the best We’re a team that gets put through every test From january 1 to december 25 we work hard to feel alive SOLO (VERSE) CHORUS 2X
what are you gonna do with your xmas money? you're so hard to buy for i'm not sure what you like anymore i hope i'm not too brash if i just break down and give you some cash what are you gonna do with your xmas money? a baby doll some hot wheels a ray gun some new heels a music thing-ma-do a whatcha call it i just don't what to get you and i don't want you to throw it away when it gets old what are you gonna do with your xmas money? give it away what are you gonna do with your xmas money?
your 1st cousin lee brought us the best tasting toffee my drunk uncle wayne brought us the funniest tasting candy canes get out the jelly worms and the cinnamon twirls with orange slices and the peanut brittle and the sugar almonds and curly whirlies crazy neighbor fred dropped off gingerbread it tastes good baby huey's gonna get a lump of coal because he got into the sugar bowl get out the sugar cookies and the chocolate bon bons and peppermint cremes candied walnuts and butterscotch toffee and german chocolate mint cremes exchange student bjorn brought chocolate caramel corn from sweeden your mother-in-law rolled up the best peanut butter balls got sick on apple pips and buckeyes with rhubarb custard bring the ginger snaps and peppermint bark and double lollies get the caramel custard and the pumpkin truffles and marzipan fruit throw up cashew fudge and then licorice whips and turkish delight christmas sweets!
the best way to get mistletoe is get a boat and then you go with a shotgun shoot to the top of the trees berries from the mistletoe hit the deck and they grow the boat slowly overflows with magic christmas trees ho ho ho he he he i've got my friends with me ho ho ho we go down stream the boat starts to take shape of a christmas tree we shake the berries from the mistletoe turn a golden hue ants start to crawl around at closer look on the ground they are really santa's elves making you some toys ho ho ho he he he i've got my friends with me ho ho ho we go down stream the best thing about the boat is when it stops and doesn't float we sit around and talk about things from last year birthdays, trips and babies born books you read, when your clothes got torn the christmas magic mistletoes grows here every year. ho ho ho he he he i've got my friends with me ho ho ho we go down stream
the north star shined so bright it blinded me and I ran into a christmas tree and it fell right on top of me i stood up and my arms were branches hair was tinsel and feet were presents with bows now you know my eyes turned christmas lights fingers changes to ornaments when i got scared all my pine needles fell out and the kids shout they said help him my future it looked grim go my whole life needing a trim that's when one kid grabbed me by my limbs and took me inside cut off my branches pulled off the tinsel opened my presents as shoes now they do peeled off the christmas lights broke off all the ornaments now i could see the star that blinded me when I got here and they all cheered
Have you ever wondered about this thing they call egg nog sure it's made from eggs but what's this thing called nog? it's the thing they mix with eggs to make egg nog. i like to drink egg nog when it's christmastime or when it's hanukkah i like to have a cup what's inside this thing that they call nog? you get 11 eggs and you crack them on your legs then you drop it in a bowl with an old jelly roll then you whisk them up right with a string of christmas lights and add cream and sugar and whiskey and a pinch of nutmeg that's your egg nog i like to drink egg nog with friends and family wish that i could drink it all year long but it goes away when christmastime is gone
Santa Santa It's christmas night again Santa Santa We're waiting in the wind All us elves in the North Pole We cannot wait til you get home To celebrate all that we have done Strike up the band play til morning comes Santa Santa we will play your favorite songs Santa Santa please don't be long all the elves come from near and far to hear Zinx on the bass guitar and Sam on the drums he left at the bar last year when he saw stars Santa Santa now that you are here Santa Santa put up your reindeer Mori's guitar is all in tune Bobby's keys on the stage are strewn please remember the solo that you learned it's a double one mellow but it burns
on the main street of the north pole there's a store thats selling bootleg DVDs and jewelry and one thing i really want it's a candy powered sled it's a candy powered sled so i took outside and realized i didn't have any fuel to get it off the ground one of santa's elves walked right by and had the biggest candy cane i'd ever seen it's a candy powered sled you want to ride on my sled? it's a candy powered sled you want to ride on my sled? woooooooooooooooooooo!
you say you want to go to the north pole to help out santa cause the elves are gonna need help we can ask a friend to fly us up there in a helicopter or plane but when we tried to phone him he didn't answer then i remember something real old that if you call out real loud the best ride in town will come down from the sky DRRAGGGON!!!!! fly on christmas dragon fly on christmas dragon you take us up where we go fly on christmas dragon it tickled him when you go on and he breathed fire was a chocolate factory up north as the last fire truck wrapped up we drank hot chocolate then we heard them call from above DRRAGGGON!!!!! fly on christmas dragon you take us up where we go the north pole


Every year we send out holiday songs to friends and family. Since this is a magical time of year we usually feel like it's appropriate to sing about magical things. These things include candy powered sleds, Christmas dragons, people turning into Christmas trees and mellow double guitar solos played by none other than Kris Kringle himself.



released December 1, 2022


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Robby Grant Memphis, Tennessee

Making music at various points in time as Robby Grant, Mellotron Variations, Vending Machine, Mouserocket and >mancontrol<.

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